All families should have a current family media plan. Did we say “All”? We sure did! Setting guidelines around media use is important and strongly recommended. With guidelines in place, you have a launching pad for open and honest conversations about media use which are vital to raising tech-savvy kids. Your family media plan should be a working document and reviewed on a regular basis to keep it relevant. Make sure you get your children’s input so they feel included in a plan that is surely going to impact them.

We strongly believe that Family Media Plans should be based on your family’s unique set of values so before you get started on the plan, define those first. You can find a worksheet for establishing your family values and mission statement here. For a questionnaire on how to talk with your family about creating a Family Media Plan, click here.

We’ve spent years researching, suggesting and evaluating Family Media Plans and their effectiveness. Our plan is extensive and customizable, so it can be tailored for many different families with many different family values. It’s also based on the American Academy of Pediatrics research and and suggestions on managing screen time.

more information

For information about parenting apps that can be used to monitor and limit screen time, check out this article.

Media Use in School-Aged Children and Adolescents is a great article from AAP which outlines the benefits and risks of media use. It also provides suggestions for parents and healthcare professionals. It is well-documented with references to studies done in 2015. This was published in November of 2016. Keep in mind, technology development is happening so fast and research takes a long time so while this is probably the most current data out there, media use has increased since these studies were done. Thorough information, none-the-less.

TLO Family Media Plan

As this is a living document, you can find the most up-to-date version here.

We hesitated to make this plan available without the companion “Designing a Family Media Plan” seminar. If you’re interested in attending this seminar, check out our events page for the next one. If you would like to host one in your community, please reach out!

Dear       , OR FAMILY Family Media Plan

(Greeting: Express love for child(ren), reiterate family values and why balancing tech is important, mention consequences will be enforced).

(How will you use tech together? “I look forward to texting with you, sharing social media posts, gaming, etc”)

(Who owns the device? What happens if it is lost, broken or falls into the toilet? Who will have to pay to fix it or replace it? How can your child prepare (ie - get a job, save some money)?

Privacy and Safety

Password: You must password protect your device. (I recommend mom and dad always know the password and that changing the password is not to be done without letting mom and dad know).

Monitoring: We will monitor your text messages and device usage through ScreenTime. From time to time, we will read your text messages (I recommend being very open about this and checking texts randomly but regularly. When you check texts, remember that you’re looking for dangerous or risky behavior, and opportunities to teach your child good digital citizenship. Collaborate on what will happen if you find something inappropriate. A good rule of thumb: If you feel someone is in danger, you will have to act to get that person help. If the behavior is inappropriate, you will have a discussion with your child.) 

Friends: Only text, FaceTime or communicate with people you are friends with in real life. Meeting, chatting and/or gaming with strangers online can be dangerous. (What does this mean? If you spend time with someone in person, they are a real friend...friends of friends are not.)

Staying Safe: Do not use your device (choose and/or add: outside of our home, while crossing a street, while driving, while walking home from school, etc.. Think safety. We will address manners later. This will depend on the age of your child and how they can stay safe). 

Sexting: Do not take inappropriate pictures of yourself or anyone else. Keep your private parts private. Don’t laugh. One day you will have a decision to make about this. Don’t search/view/share anything you wouldn’t share at the dinner table, including porn. If you have questions about sex, ask mom or dad. The internet is not the place to find reliable information about sex. (This can be edited based on the age of your child) 

Photo Sharing: Mindful and intentional photo sharing only. Always ask yourself: Why am I sharing this photo? What am I hoping to achieve by sharing the photo? Would you share this photo with your friends’ parents?

• No taking or posting pictures of any person without their permission. This includes friends, family members, children you are babysitting or know.

• Positive pictures only! Share, like and send pictures of people, places and activities that make you feel good.

• Selfies. I love and respect your whole being, and you should, too. Please do not post inappropriate pieces or sections of you. If you share a picture, I want it to be your whole, true “selfie.”

• You do not have to take a picture of every moment. Put the camera away sometimes and just be in the moment! Screens are small, the world is big.

Personal Information: Do not share personal information online - this includes your age, full name, address, location or school in your usernames, profiles or posts. No one should ever ask you for any information about yourself on this device. If they do, stop and tell us so we can keep you safe.

Sharing: We value sharing, but this device is just for you. Please do not let other people use your device, especially to post things. Likewise, you are not to use anyone else’s device at any time. The rules we follow in our house, apply outside of the house, too.

Approving Content: (This will vary based on the age of your child). Mom and Dad must approve videos, movies and shows prior to viewing. No crazy clicking, mindless scrolling, going down the rabbit hole. All websites and apps must be approved by us prior to use. Only play games that we have approved. This applies to games and apps used outside of the house, at school and/or at friends’ homes.

Too Big to Handle: Some situations are dangerous. Notify an adult immediately if any of these things happen to you or someone you know:

• any inappropriate sexual behavior, abuse or assault, including excessive viewing of porn.

• bullying, physical abuse, extreme sarcasm, exclusion, withdrawal (phubbing, ghosting, a friend who suddenly goes and stays dark). 

• self harm, risky behaviors or talk of suicide. 

• drug and alcohol abuse. 

• reckless driving habits, including texting while driving.

• any situation that makes you feel icky, uncomfortable or worried. Trust your instincts.

You will not be in trouble for discussing these situations with an adult. We will support you and work with you to find a solution.

Our Family List of Trusted Adults: (Think aunts, uncles, grandparents, close friends who share your values and who your children feel comfortable turning to if they need help.)

Screen Usage, Screen Free Times and Places

Screen Usage: You can only use your device (ex: on the weekends, after lunch and after you are dressed with chores and homework completed). Devices must be turned off by XX:XX (I recommend 1-2 hours before bedtime) and (eg. - in the kitchen cabinet, out of view, or parents’ bedroom). You can use your device for XX minutes per day (depends on child’s age but consider the glass analogy).

Screen Free Times: You may not take your device out of our house without permission (this depends on age). Your device may not leave the first floor without permission (this is a good habit for every family member). We will not use mobile devices or other screens during the following times (examples follow):

• While in the car (think about healthy driving habits and manners)

• While crossing the street (keeping kids alert and safe)

• While at school (digital distractions impact learning outcomes)

• While doing homework 

• During family time (take opportunities to build relationships) Meal times (great time to connect)

• One hour before bed (using media in the evenings disrupts sleep)

• While watching TV or using the computer (digital multitasking is a myth)

• During play dates or while we have company - “People Come First” (snapping a few pictures or playing music in the background is ok)

• While in the bathroom (gross)

  Choose & Diversify Your Media

Choose Media that is Worth Your Time: Most apps that are created are designed to keep you using them but serve no other purpose. Let’s work together to find apps that expand your knowledge. We can use Common Sense Media to find reviews about age-appropriate apps, games & programs.

Diversify Your Media: (Optional based on your family values) Use media in a way that promotes interaction, connection & creativity. You have access to a wide variety of media. Download and experience appropriate but different types of music, films and shows.

FaceTime: You may FaceTime (your friends, parents, grandparents and cousins). If you would not call someone’s landline, on which a parent may answer, then do not FaceTime them. Be prepared to talk with adults when you FaceTime your friends. Act appropriately. You don’t always know who is listening.

Manners Matter

Being polite and having good manners are just as important as they have always been. Having a device is not an excuse to forget our manners.

Show good media manners by (the following are optional additions. Include what works for your family):

• Putting devices away while other people are around. People right here, right now, always come first. 

• Not keeping the device on (or under) the table during meals. Devices will not be brought to the table.  

• Not looking at the device or texting while talking with someone, or during mealtime. If it's truly urgent, we will say "excuse me."

• Don’t call or text people if you can talk to them in person. Live in the moment, not on your phone.

• Choose calling over texting. Give yourself opportunities to talk with your friends and their parents. Do not be afraid to call a landline or a parent’s cell phone. Use your manners when making phone calls and be respectful of other families. 

• Use proper greetings, complete words and appropriate language while emailing (and texting).

• No inappropriate photos, memes, emojis or language. If you’re unsure, just ask. (There’s a meme culture, especially among boys, that is subtly racist. Some boys may not be aware. Warn them.)

  Digital Citizenship

Do not use your device to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Always be yourself. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay out of the crossfire.

Censor yourself: Do not text, email, or post anything that you would not say in person or out loud with parents in the room. Remember anything posted online is permanent.

Stick up for others online: Tell a parent or other trusted adult if you get messages or photos that make you uncomfortable. Tell a parent or other trusted adult if you or others are being bullied, disrespected, attacked or treated badly. Never bully or treat someone badly.

Respecting the privacy of others: Never screenshot and/or forward a text or photo without asking permission. If someone sends you a screenshot without the original posters permission, delete, don’t repeat.

(Don’t spam. Do not forward chain letters or try to annoy people with repetitive words or emojis.) 

Balancing Online & Off-line Time

Media & digital devices are an integral part of our world today. The benefits of these devices, if used moderately and appropriately, can be great. But research has shown that face-to-face time with family, friends and teachers plays a pivotal and important role in promoting learning and healthy development. Keep the face-to-face up front and don't let it get lost behind a stream of media and technology.

Less time on screens means more time to (this is where you add in all those things you like to do as a family):

• Join a team or play a sport

• Play outside

• Play board games

• Make time for creativity

• Be with friends

• Sleep

• Keep up with hobbies

• Play an instrument

• Read

• Cook and bake

• Spend time with family

• Explore

Disconnect: Leave your device at home once in a while. It is not an extension of you. Feel comfortable and confident disconnecting. 

Live in the Moment: Look up more than you look down. Look out a window. Be bored. Pay attention. Wonder. Ponder. Do not be ruled by your device. 

(Consequences. Include something like: We want you to have a healthy relationship with your device and develop digital wellness. If you break these rules, use your device inappropriately or struggle to balance the real and the cyber, we will talk about establishing clearer or stricter guidelines.

Add another love letter here… acknowledge that your kiddos will make mistakes and will face the consequences but that you will continue to work together and that you will love them regardless. Your job is to raise them to be happy, healthy, responsible adults because you love them and that a device will not get in the way of that).