Reintegration: Mental health, anxiety and smartphones
My middle school son has been struggling lately. He’s at a period in his development when he should be spreading his wings to fly, learning new social skills, making new connections, building camaraderie through school sports, clubs, musicals. Instead he’s wearing a mask that covers his beautiful smile and spending time with the same small group of boys - every day, all day. Not to take anything away from those boys. They’re a lovely bunch, who, by some accounts, are feeling the same way. When I told my son this and asked what he thought we could do about it, he joked, “start a sadness club.”
Clever response. I’m not surprised. Before most of us had ever uttered the phrase - COVID-19 - a mental health crisis was already brewing. Prior to the pandemic, a literature review by Jonathan Haidt and Jean Twenge revealed that depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide are all up, particularly among pre-teen girls.
Major depressive episode in the last year:
THAT’S A SERIOUS INCREASE! Could it be a coincidence that this jump coincides with wide-spread use of smartphones and social media?
Does this mean we should add our children’s anxiety and depression to the long list of things we already worry about? Should we lose sleep over how our kids are engaging with smartphones and social media? NO! And NO.
But we should be aware. Aware of this possibility. And we should mention it to our tweens and teens. This is happening. What are things we can do to mitigate it? (Don’t worry, I’m getting to that…)
A recent CDC report found that emergency room visits related to mental health for children under 18 jumped 44% from mid-March-October of 2020 compared to the same time period in 2019. 44%. What does the CDC recommend? Monitoring indicators of child mental health, expanding mental health services, and promoting coping and resilience.
While professionals and government agencies focus on the first two suggestions, I challenge parents, educators and individuals to think about the last. Promoting coping and resilience. How can we do that now, but especially post-pandemic? How do we get back out there? How do we socialize, make connections, build relationships in a way that honors our humanness in a world that has become so digital?
And while we all feel like this:
First, it’s going to be hard. We’re going to have all kinds of negative feelings about it. Fear, worry, anxiety, self-consciousness. Expect it. It’s going to be there. Then confront it. Say, “I knew you would be here.” Take away the element of surprise, so you’re ready to deal with the emotions that surface. Maybe you’re surprised by what surfaces. That’s fine. Just expect something to surface.
Then name it, and separate yourself from it. It does not define you. It is not YOU.
Finally, do the opposite of what that negative feeling tells you to do. Don’t hide under the covers watching Bridgerton, even though you might like to. Don’t escape to Instagram. Don’t watch cat videos on YouTube all. day. long. I mean, you can do those things sometimes, but not when the plan is to socialize. Not when you need to socialize. If your worry is telling you to go hide, don’t let it boss you around!
Here’s a great illustration from author and anxiety specialist, Lynn Lyons, LICSW.
Finally have compassion for yourself. Close your eyes, take a moment, and breath deep. You’ve got this. Once you get going, you will probably feel better. Have compassion for other people, too. They are also out there trying to remember how to socialize. We’ve all had a pretty bad year. Cut each other some slack and be kind.
Until next time - stay strong and be well,
Adrienne